Dr. Cocoa Puffs

Vollidioten labern lassen verhindert Kapitalverbrechen

Monday, October 02, 2006

Ode to Junk Food

Okay, so posts about this have been roaming around the net recently. The Guitar Hero was appalled at the thought of pancakes wrapped around sausage (ironic, considering this is the same man who dreams of vegetarian corndogs). My response: That would have made Saturday morning breakfasts so much more convenient when I was a kid. I could have continued to watch cartoons without the bothersome interruption of using eating utensils. Pancakes and sausage on a stick - it's revolutionary!

As an American living in Germany, I catch a lot of flack for the amount of junk food Americans appear to consume. Such accusations always put me on the defense, and for years I would deflect them by pointing out how awful I thought junk food was and how much attention I placed on eating healthily, and, oh god, how horrible those nasty fat Americans are for buying their kids Happy Meals and taking them to Chuck E. Cheese for their birthdays and feeding them the aforementioned corndogs. But here's a big secret. Deep breath as the Doctor comes out of the closet: I love junk food. Love it. And no, not as in, once in a blue moon a plate of fries hits the spot. In my case, a plate of fries would hit the spot everyday. Bean burritos from Taco Hell, Sonic burgers, Ben & Jerry's, Doritos (mmm, Doritos), hot fudge sundaes, tuna melts, onion rings with ranch dip, and the ultimate in white trash, tater tots with chili and cheese - this is what I crave. I am a junk food slut. However, due to the fact that I am also a fashion slut, I have learned to control the junk food cravings as I would find no pleasure in no longer fitting into my wardrobe full of H&M's best. So there you have another big secret: it's not fear for my health or well-being that keeps me from eating luscious, luscious deep-fried goodness on a daily basis, but fear of becoming/looking like a fat ass. That, and the fact that many of my secret sins are unavailable here in the land of 1000 Wursts. At times Germany does have some advantages.


  • At 3:47 PM, Blogger intern4life said…

    Hey Doctor - it's one thing to come out as a junk food lover, but when are you going to act on it? Where are the compulsive fat&sugar shopping sprees I've been waiting for ever since you've posted this?

  • At 3:40 AM, Blogger Satria said…

    Luscious, luscious deep-fried goodness?!? Fuck, yeah! You go, junk food slut! I'm all with you! JuFoSluts forever!


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