Dr. Cocoa Puffs

Vollidioten labern lassen verhindert Kapitalverbrechen

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Hate weather. Must move.

Remember back when I was bitching about how hot it was and generally being an ass? I was an complete idiot. We are back to dreary, rainy weather and I have nothing to wear! It's too cold for summer clothes and too warm for winter clothes and I don't have any in-between shirts and I'm sick of my black pants and I want cute fall shoes, even though I just bought really expensive red leather boots and I've got no money to go shopping because we're trying to save money (sooo boring) and I'm being a whiny baby. So naahh. Life is crappy not because of millions of people dying of AIDS in Africa and starving in North Korea and being killed for oil and stupid pseudo-religious reasons in the Middle East, but because I don't have anything cute to wear. Because it's all about me. Not you. Me. Me. Me.

Unfortunately, the crappy weather is making me homesick once again for my homeland. I often think about the ways my life would be better if we just up and moved back to the States. To do so, however, I need a job there. A really good one as it could take some time for the Guitar Hero to get a green card (god forbid the immigration people ask him what face cream I use; we would be so fucked). And the job has to be in a neat-o place with a high percentage of coolness and a low percentage of right-wing asshats, which quite possibly rules out 90% of all towns in the US.

On the glass is half-full side of life: I'm going to be in another play. Yay! No money, but it's a fun play and the other actors are good. So for the next few months I'll have something more to do than lay around bitching about how horrible my life is. Granted, I'll still do it, I'll just have less time to do it. I'll have to organize the bitching into regular snippets. Coordination is key!

Speaking of coordination, here's what I need to do more of:

And, of course, what I need to do less of:

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Cool t-shirt folding thing

How to know you have a little too much time on your hands:

When you and your Guitar Hero watch this video over and over trying to figure out how the hell she does it and practice until you can do it, too. It only took us about 15 times watching it and 15 times practicing to get it. And yes, knowing how to fold our t-shirts in that cool Asian way now makes life perfect. Nothing can touch us, baby!

If/when we both lose our jobs, we'll at least be able to find work in a laundry with this new-found skill. Bye-bye, middle-class. Hello, sweatshop!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

She's back...

Dr. Cocoa Puffs finally returns to the blogging world! No, I wasn't off on some exciting adventure round the world. Nor was I whiling away on the set of a major feature length film. The reason I haven't blogged in so long is quite simple - our stupid, stupid internet connection was down for almost 2 weeks. And the fuckers at 1+1, our DSL provider, were of absolutely no fucking use (sorry for the cursing, Mr. High Steaks, but the situation calls for it). For internet addicts such as the Guitar Hero and Dr. Cocoa Puffs, this was akin to detoxing. Not that I would know what that's like - I'm not stupid enough to give up my beer. And wine. And vodka. At any rate, it wasn't pretty. We actually had to spend much of our vacation talking to each other and were unable to solve arguments such as what season Dirk Benedict left The A-Team because we couldn't access imdb. It caused serious marital strain, and we're not sure if we'll ever recover. But thanks to our friend, known henceforth as the Computer Genius, we're back online, baby! Thank God, and Buddha as well!

By the way, Berlin was great. We ate incredibly yummy Mexican food and I drank my fill of Berliner Weiße and I spent way too much money on red leather boots. But hey, you gotta have red leather boots. Life is too short without them. We also saw the surprisingly decent German film Hotel (to those who don't know: I usually avoid German films because they generally suck. And not in a good way). Some of the dialogue in the film was great - it completely took the piss out of German Spießertum, (my definition of Spießertum is acting like there's a stick up your ass). If you find Germans (or Austrians, as the case may be) often appear to have a stick up their collective asses, you'll probably get a kick out of this film. If you are a German with a stick up your ass, you might recognize yourself in this film. If you are a German and take offense at my opinion that (many, albeit not all) Germans appear to have sticks up their asses, get over yourself. I come from a country of gun-toting bible-beaters yokals, one of whom is president of the goddamn country. Trust me, there are worse things in life than being spießig.

This picture shows us, carefree and unaware of our internet-less state, at the Hackesche Höfe in Berlin. We took my zit along for the trip because it had never been to Berlin. We're generous like that.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Berlin, Berlin

The Guitar Hero and I are on vacation for the next 2 weeks. Originally we'd planned to stay in Hamburg and hang out as we're trying to save money, but fuck it. We need to get out of Dodge. So we're off to Berlin for a couple of days to enjoy some of that famous Berliner Schnauze (as opposed to the oh-so-friendly Hanseatische Kühle). Anyway, Berlin has lots of great shopping, lots of good, cheap food (mmm...falafel), great cinemas and, of course, Berliner Weiße, one of my all-time favorite drinks. And which I've unfortunately yet to find in Hamburg and have been craving for the past two years since our last vacation to Berlin. I told the Guitar Hero I just might drink Berliner Weiße with every meal to catch up on what I've been missing. His response was surprisingly and scarily positive - he says I make for a jolly drunk and am easy to get along with. Anyone see vodka cornflakes in my future?